A scene I never saw in my movie…
When a marriage begins, you immediately start to write a hopeful story and envision a life together, growing old, having kids, grandkids, starting careers, and embracing all the opportunities life has to offer. Even as solid as the ground feels beneath your feet while you’re standing there as the director, you choose to not believe the possibility of cracks appearing in your sure-footed ground.
I never saw myself ending up in this scene I am in now. This wasn’t part of the script I envisioned when I was writing the story of my life.
Our stories are full of a multitude of experiences—some we fully orchestrate, and others we don’t. The truth is, the real problems often lie beneath the surface—things we didn’t ask for to happen to us or trauma we experience. Failure in a marriage isn’t any easier than failure in anything else, but it’s typically much more complicated than what appears on the surface.
I am currently in a deep study of one of those lessons, and this one comes with two parts …both good and bad.
Bad news: You are not the director.
Good news: You are not the director.
Failure in your marriage knocks you right down and gives you a full, very convincing argument that you are internally made up of a multitude of false hopes and lies you have told yourself. With the main headline stating … you are failure.
This is a narrative I am learning to rewrite to myself. It’s an internal battle I go to war with , but as the days grow in number, my enemy becomes less and less intimidating to me. I am learning to know Reannah… and I’m learning to love who that person is.
I can understand now,
It doesn’t mean God isn’t good.
It doesn’t mean someone is bad.
Two good-hearted people can come together and still fail as a unit.
As much as my flesh wants to offer a defense to an imaginary jury, I’ve realized that winning the trial isn’t the goal…staying out of the courtroom is. I’m on a journey—a quest—to reach a place of being completely content with being misunderstood, because I know my truth.
Everyone wants to know the juicy details of a separation and I try to stick to this one thing when asked, “ It’s just an incredibly sad story,”. Sharing the juicy gossip with the next person is only the re-telling of someone’s failed dream, failed plan, and failed partnership.
I haven’t met a person or situation yet that didn't have more underneath than what appeared on the surface.
Lesson learned:
Before judging someone or a situation, remember that you do not know the whole story and probably never will so learn to be 1000% okay with that.
